Did Ya Miss Me?

Yeah, I missed me too.
Well, I didn't go anywhere, I just never really got around to the whole blogging thing for a month or two . . . people have taken longer breaks, right? So I'm back. HAHAHA YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME!
I got Instagram. Just in case you were wondering. Check it out.
instagram.com/aubsglaz/

And I wish I could say me being back was awesome for you, but I don't know for sure if it is yet. Because, as it turns out, I have no idea where this is going. Hey, it's like Dan says in Dan In Real Life, "Expect to be surprised." He also says "This corn is like an angel." But that's irrelevant.
Wait, what am I talking about? That quote is ALWAYS relevant.

Speaking of movie quotes, here's something to think about. You know how people always post funny movie quotes as their Facebook status? And if you haven't seen the movie, you don't get it, but you're still pretty sure it's a movie quote? Well what about when you can't tell that someone is quoting something? I mean, what if you watched Nacho Libre and you're like "haha funny movie gotta post a status" and you post "I hate all the orphans in the WHOLE WORLD" and a really nice lady who builds orphanages in Uganda sees it and hasn't seen the movie and suddenly is confused because you said you were going to help with their trip next summer but apparently now you hate orphans so she can't let you come so your whole life gets totally messed up?
That wouldn't be fun, now would it?
That also probably would never happen.
But stop changing the subject! We were talking about how corn! Mmm. Love that stuff.
Love Steve Carrell too.
Also did you know there's an election coming up.
Also I have the attention span of a 4-year-old.
College is hard.
Rocks are hard.
Rock candy - not as hard. But kinda hard.
I love Krispy Kreme. (yes, the rapper)
Halloween was a lot of fun this year.
Yogurt pretzels. MmmmmmMMmmmmmm
Pretend this is poetic so we can all move on with our lives.
FOR SPARTA!

A Less Poetic Take on the Rain

It rained last night.

I love rainy nights. But I'm not going to elaborate on that part right now. We've all read more than enough poetic musings about the beauty and cleansing feeling of a rainstorm OKAY I'm done. 

I keep my bike outside. This means that when it rains, my bike gets wet. And the seat absorbs all kinds o' nasty water. 

I guess I should also mention that I ride my bike to school every day. 

So this morning, when I went out to my trusty bicycle, I brushed some visible water droplets off the seat, assuming this would be the extent of my troubles.

This is what the fates were doing at that moment:


(just the laughing part. Those fates are jerks).

When I sat down, I discovered there was much more water than I had supposed, hidden in the depths of that "tiny" bike seat. It immediately soaked my pants in a very inconvenient area. Of course, I was running late (pretty normal for me I'd say). No time to do anything but deal with it.

I sped to school, of course sweaty and panting by the time I reached the bike rack. As I stepped off that two-wheeled contraption my worst fears were confirmed. You know when you can just tell how bad something is? I could feel the looks immediately. In that moment, I had a decision to make.

Do I get back on my bike and go home, change my pants, and drive to school?
Nah, class is more important than 3 minutes of dignity.

Do I go into the bathroom and attempt to dry my pants with a hand dryer?
This could potentially be more embarrassing than half the school thinking I have a bladder control problem.

Bladder control problem . . . play the sympathy card? Every time someone looks at me I could say "I'M SORRY BODY DOESN'T WORK LIKE YOURS, OKAY?!"
I seriously considered this one. You think I'm joking . . . and you're right.

So I went for the fourth and final option: wear it with pride. Strut my stuff. Walk the walk like a girl with nothing to prove. I don't know if I successfully accomplished this, but I at least attempted.
I walked at my usual "madwoman-on-a-schedule" pace, attempting to have that look on my face that says "WHAT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM?"
Who knows if it worked. I still felt a few weird looks, even heard a whisper (that probably wasn't about me but you know how when you're paranoid about what people are thinking about you it suddenly seems like everyone is staring and whispering and laughing at you so you're freaking out even more and then you get into these crazy run-on sentences while trying to explain your mind to everyone else, which was a bad idea from the beginning?) yeah.

Embarrassing experience most-likely-successfully OWNED.

I think I still love rainy nights, even.

Epidemics

Like, the plague.
Epidemics used to be bad diseases that spread and spread and spread and couldn't be stopped.
Well they still are. But there's a new kind of epidemic around.

"Gangnam Style"?
It's taking over the world.





I'm not quite sure which kind is worse. (I so didn't just say that)

*ASIAN WORDS!*

And there are countless other epidemics that have swept the world in recent history:

Facebook






Twitter



Instagram





Pinterest




Segways (I know this is pushing it, but I just really needed a chance to show everyone these pictures)






White girl rappers

Oh, wait, that one hasn't really taken off yet . . . it's next. Mark my words.

P.s. don't worry, the bloggins are back. I won't be such a slacker from now on (maybe, no promises).

GANGNAM STYLE!

Freshman LIKE A BOSS

Technically I'm a sophomore from AP credit. But whatever.

Signed my name on my class banner as "A-Money Glazed Donut G-Rated WHAT?!"

Wrote on a paper that I want to be a rapper when I grow up.

Talked with at least 5 perfect strangers about Mumford & Sons (the t-shirt I bought for a ridiculous price was definitely worth it).

My brother laughs because I am a freshman and he is not.
He is in high school.
I did all these things.
Like a boss.

So ready for this.

Oh, wait, I need to buy groceries...

Traffic School (of sorts)

Have you ever been driving behind someone really really slow, and you can tell the people behind you are agitated, and you wish you had some way to say,
"It's not my fault, it's the people in front of me!"

This happened today. My car is pretty short, and I was behind a truck. I took some comfort in the fact that the people behind me could probably see that the car causing the granny pace was not me, but in fact, the truck in front of me.
"Come on Chevy, I've got places to be," I thought. (Except I thought "chevy" with a "ch" sound, not a "sh" just a little something that you didn't really need to know).
But then, going around a curve, the edge of a gray sedan poked out into view, in front of the truck.

Do you see what I'm trying to say here? I was begrudging the car in front of me, hoping the cars behind me would see that the blame was to be directed towards that nasty ol' Chevrolet. But the person driving the truck was probably thinking the same thing, knowing that the cars behind him couldn't see who was really holding up the line.

I know I might be taking a lot from a tiny little experience here, but it was an eye-opening moment for me. We need to give other people the benefit of the doubt, especially when we are hoping for it ourselves. We even need to give the real slow driver a break, because we can't see what they see in front of them either.

It applies to life, too. I bet you can figure it out.

"If ______ was an Olympic sport..."

People say this a lot.
"If being obnoxious was an Olympic sport, you'd win gold!"
We've all heard it.

I've been watching the Olympics a TON this year (I always do!). Wait a minute, I don't think I've ever explained how much I seriously love the Olympics! (And America!)
ISRRRRSLYLOVETHEOLYMPICS.
LOVE LOVE LOVE.

I love the Olympics.

Anyway, now that we're clear on that, let's get down to what I really meant to say here.

I was thinking today, what if we got to decide what sports were in the Olympics? Like we would keep most of the normal events, but include some other ones that are equally exciting and much more entertaining? Or maybe we could just add the EXTRA Olympics or something. I dunno, I just think it would be sweet. The possibilities are literally endless - every event could be something from Wipeout or Minute to Win it. Or they could just be my own genius ideas. Here's an example list of events, straight from my Olympic-fanatic brain.

Trampoline basketball
Trampoline dunk contest
Playing piano with feet
Smoothie making
One-handed egg cracking
Croquet
Giant bubble blowing
Name that tune
Baby diaper changing
Large blanket folding
Envelope licking
Basement fort building
Ice blocking
Uno
Bigger and Better scavenger hunting

There are so many options. You might be laughing at me, but seriously, you know how much endurance and determination it takes to lick, say, 50 envelopes? I went through that at graduation. NEVER AGAIN.

But seriously, I love the Olympics.
Also, please follow this link. I almost CRIED at some of them!

CBS Olympic Divers' Funny Faces

U . . . S . . . A . . . ! . . . U . . . S . . . A . . . ! USA! USA! USA!
To anyone in another country: don't worry, I still love you too.

A Rap About Rain

I was going to make an actual recording of me rapping this, but then I didn't because I decided not to and because I didn't really want to and because I'm too lazy and because that would be pretty embarrassing.
So instead of reading it in your head, rap it for your friends and family. That's the way it's meant to be, friends.

A Rap About Rain

A lotta people get all poetic about rain

But I don't wanna do that, it's all just the same

So I'm gonna tell you 'bout what I think

And how I feel . . . and everything

When the weather's nice and sunny, I think it's boring

I'd rather go outdoors when it's raining, and pouring 

I splash in a puddle, I'm wearin' a slicker

You'd better bring inside all your furniture that's wicker

I'm not talkin' bout a little sprinkle, no -

I'm talkin' bout a downpour that's RATHER . . . TORRENTIAL

Sprinkles are for cupcakes and cookies, ya know?

It's gotta be a FIERCE WIND PRECIPITATION FLOW

Put on your rubber boots and don't bother with the hair

And remember that this life and the weather ain't fair


Basically, that's what goes through my head on a rainy day. But alas, I am still a white girl with limited rap experience. Here's a REAL rap song, one with a beat and a video and professional skills.