Monday, April 22, 2013

Make Your Dreams A Reality

Good advice?

Once upon a time I went to my favorite super-authentic Chinese restaurant, Panda Express. 
When I say "super-authentic" I mean "I'm not really sure what this is but I'm pretty sure it's not Chinese and I'm VERY sure that it is DELICIOUS."
If you've ever been to Panda Express, then you know that with every meal comes a cute little fortune cookie.  (and if you haven't been to Panda, seriously what are you doing with your life). 
On this particular day, this was my fortune:

This would be a pretty average, generic, applies-to-anybody kind of feel-good fortune, except for one problem. What if I don't want to make my dreams a reality? I know it probably meant that I should shoot for the great things I want to accomplish in my life, etc. But all I could think about was my dream from the night before. I don't usually remember dreams, so this one really stood out.

I was at Target with my friend's older sister. A super creepy guy who worked there was following us around. He attacked my friend's sister but backed off when the store manager saw him. The manager didn't do anything about it. I tried to say "Hey! This is unacceptable! He should be fired!" but the manager just shrugged and walked away. 

I know that's not exactly the most horrific dream, but it was unsettling. And I definitely don't want to make it a reality. Please, fortune cookie writers, be a little bit considerate. Some things don't apply to everyone after all. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Clap-Along

You can talk about pet peeves or things you hate or whatever.
You can ask me in a cute little get-to-know-you survey "what is your biggest pet peeve?" and my mind will go completely blank.
I try not to let every little thing bother me because duh then I'd be annoyed all the time.
But there is one thing I forget how much I hate.
Until it happens.
And it happens. A lot.

The clap-along, my friends. It's everywhere.
You're playing your favorite song in the school talent show. You're nervous, but the adrenaline gives you the boost to give it all you've got.
The audience is enjoying it, their enthusiasm gets you even more excited to be on stage.
Then they decide it's their responsibility to keep the beat for you. That one kid, the one who yells at everything, that makes it a goal to draw as much attention to themselves as possible, starts clapping. It spreads like a seething epidemic, infecting the whole crowd. Each member of the audience becomes a mindless zombie, their hands begin moving on their own, clapping to the beat. Ask them why they are putting their hands together, they will have no answer.
But the beat can't stay pure forever. It speeds up, becomes disjointed.
Do you speed up with them? Do you attempt to stay on the original beat? Do you tell the crowd to stop? There is no solution. You must continue the best you can, and wait for the mindless crowd to realize their folly. You may recover eventually, but there will forever be a dark spot on your performance.

Then there's the clap-along to recorded music at basketball games. Equally heinous.
It's awkward. It's unattractive. It ruins good people and turns them into mindless robots that conform to the will of the mob.

Let's end this madness.

Okay, okay, okay. It's not THAT bad. It's acceptable, even, but ONLY if the performer themselves starts it.
But other than that, seriously guys, can we just not?