Monday, May 9, 2011

Insults and Curse Words...the Right Way

Our language is full of widely accepted insults and curse words. But who says you have to limit yourself to those? My younger brother started using random, inanimate objects and purely made-up words instead of "darns", "hecks", and "you're stupids" when he was little. I, as well as a few of my friends have picked up on this over the years, and it's recently become one of my favorite pastimes. Okay, that's an exaggeration. But I do love this idea, for several reasons.
1. You catch people off guard, and who doesn't love messing with people's minds?
2. You usually can lighten the mood. Tyler (my little bro) was extremely upset at me once (and I mean Up-Stinkin-Set) and shouted vehemently at me, "AUBREY! YOU LUGNUT!" Needless to say, I didn't get too defensive. We ended up laughing together over it, and now it's a running joke.
3. This is a g-rated blog, after all. Don't you guys want to know how I keep my language g-rated too?
4. Most of them are hilarious
5. It's fun to make them up, not to mention exercises the creative side of your brain.
Wait, is this even necessary? Let me show you some real-life examples, and then you'll understand.
The following are things I have been called as an insult or have used to insult someone else:
Crescent wrench
Ramshackle sleigh
Disqualified windmill
Pamphlet viking
Tortilla house key
Paper monkey wrench
And then, substitute curse words (perfect for when you burn yourself on the stove, drop a hammer on your toe, etc.)
Oops! (sorry, couldn't resist).
What the ___insert inanimate object here__!
And many more!
So next time you're feeling like "rrrrrrrrwwwwwaaaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGGYYYYYSSAAAAAAAHHHHHH!", just try it out. You'll find that your life is just a flagnoggin lot better.
Peace out, sauer kraut.


  1. I am beyond honored that some of my curse words are on here.

  2. I will be using these on a regular basis. Especially "disqualified windmill." And I'd also like to add the term "bones" as an all-purpose interjection.

  3. I think of tyler when i read these :D