The feminist: "Baby it's Cold Outside"
"We will not be that easily manipulated!"
The insomniac: "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town"
"He won't see me when I'm sleeping, because I don't sleep. It hurts."
Grandma: "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reigndeer"
"I may not be young and spry, but I can still outrun a reigndeer!"
2nd - grader: "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
"Eeeeeeeeeeew . . ."
Deaf: "I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day"
Blind: "I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In"
Highway Patrolman: "Here Comes Santa Claus"
"We have to make a whole lane just for him to come down. It's a real pain."
Any race other than white: "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas"
Botanist: "Need a Little Christmas"
"'Haul out the holly'? Please, these people have no idea how to handle delicate plants."
Midget: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"
"What are you trying to say, huh?"
Sunburned: "Rudolf the Red-nosed Reigndeer"
"Sure, everyone pities Rudolf when people make fun of his red nose . . ."
Me: "A Wonderful Christmastime"
It is so utterly pointless. I swear, if I hear that song one more time . . .