MY "grown-up" Christmas List

The substance of my Christmas lists has shifted gradually over the years, as I'm sure everyone's does. And while the song "My Grown-Up Christmas List" is one of my holiday faves, I still have other things I ask for from good ol' Saint Nick. I thought I would show you a copy of my letter to Santa this year, that I may or may not have actually sent.

Dear Santa,

By the time you get this, it will almost be Christmas, I'm sure. So I just want to tell you my Christmas list. And since I'm also posting this online, you should probably collaborate with any of my blog followers just to make sure none of them got me this stuff before you did.
First, I want a unicorn. Does that require an explanation? I don't think so.
Second, I want time-management skills. Not a self-help book, because then I would just waste 2 hours reading the book and proceed to forget everything it said. Just be creative with this one.
Next, clothes and boots. (I'm a teenage girl, I can't help it!)
Then, a puppy. Just like I've asked for every year since I was in kindergarten.
Also, sleep in a can. I'm not talkin' 5-hour energy or some form of highly-concentrated caffeine, I'm talkin' the real deal, the kind of stuff that isn't exactly in stores. The stuff you have to be magical to actually get. If anyone can do it, you can, Santa!
A narwhal, and a pool in the backyard to keep him in.
A Sergio Flores (Sexy Sax Man) cardboard cut-out. Just imagine the potential . . .
And finally, of course, for everyone in the world to be happy. Yeah, this one might be tricky. But totally worth it, right? (Hint to anyone reading this: it's your job to at least make an attempt on this one!)
Sincerely, merrily, and yours truly,
A-Money Glazed Donut G-Rated WHAT?!