Sunday, January 15, 2012

Shopping Tips

Since I'm terrible at making decisions, shopping is a stressful experience for me. Over time I have developed a comprehensive list of criteria that assist me in the perilous waters of clothing selection.

1. If if makes you gag, don't buy it.

2. If your initial reaction is "What the . . .", don't buy it. Nope, not even if it's on clearance.

3. If the only place you can see yourself wearing it is a very, very dark fast food joint in another country, don't buy it.

4. If it doesn't fit you, don't buy it.

5. How to know if it fits? If your whole family could fit inside (unless we're talking about a prom dress. Well, never mind. Not even then), or if you're considering cutting off your outermost extremities in order to put it on, it probably doesn't fit.

6. Don't buy something just because it's funny and ridiculous. Well, not if you're not bold enough to actually wear it. Take a picture and send it to people randomly. More entertaining for everyone, and you don't have to spend money, or throw all your dignity into an endless pit. Example:


(Although, I'm secretly hoping they still stock these when I'm married).

7. When you're wearing a visible label you're giving that company free advertising. Don't let them use you like that! You should get compensation if you're going to traipse around showing everyone their label! SUE THEM!!! SUE THEM!!!
Ahem. Let me, uh, calm down here. What I actually was going to say was, don't pay more money than you need to just for a name brand. Clearance at Target might be just as good. On the other hand, things like this are different:

I wouldn't normally pay very many dollars for a cotton t-shirt, but it's Julian Smith!


9. Yes, I just used Amazon as a whole tip by itself. Seriously though. Do you even know how many Amazon boxes I have in my room right now?

10. This list would be a lot cooler if it had a nice round 10 tips, but I can't think of anything else. So . . . there we are. Wait, I know one. Have a plan before you start shopping (or making lists).

Good luck, friends. I wish you lots of marvelous merchandise at stellar prices.

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